I want to write a longer, better post about this when I have more time. Today I went to the abandoned house where I was raped nearly 9 years ago. I videotaped it. I had been scared of that place for so long. Since moving back to the neighborhood in August it tormented me. I was afraid to even drive down the street to the park, but I did that last weekend. Today I decided to run past it to get to the trails. But I felt strong, so I went there. Hales was with me, so I was safe. With her by my side, I can do anything. I went up the long winding driveway. I went behind the house, to the spot where I was raped. The blanket was still there. I took it, I called my mom and had her come pick it up in a trash bag (so I could continue my run) and I am going to have an epic bonfire torching that shit. The rest of the run was amazing.
I feel strong. I am not afraid anymore. I guess this means I no longer have PTSD :)